Alone

I’ve had reasons to give up on life,

But why should I?

Sometimes I wonder where the strength comes from.

I surprise myself sometimes.

And I owe this strength to my Creator.

I am grateful to Him. For His love and unending grace.

Writing this is proof alone that I’m not “alone”

That there’s still “Someone” out there who has me in mind.

My life is complicated, yes it is. I can’t even really explain it.

I met a former colleague who asked me what I’d been thinking that made me loose weight. She asked how I was, and I said “fine”

I’d not lied like this for a long time. Saying “I’m fine” when I clearly wasn’t. Neither am I still.

I don’t know why I’m writing this here, I don’t know why I’m posting this… But just maybe if I let out how I feel, I’ll feel a little relief, Just maybe.

Maybe because I’d been bottling up this hurt, this confusion and frustration, I’d been driving this feeling of ennui deeper and deeper inside me.

Have you ever had your friends disappoint you, turn their backs on you? Had family ignore you? Unperturbed by your many unfulfilled dreams and desires and…

Maybe time heals all wounds… But then I hate maybe’s. I hate “not being sure”, I hate being an option. Heck, I even hate opening up myself like this.

My vulnerability bare to the eyes of the world. I just plug my headphones into my ears, listen to all sorts of music and hold unto phone.

Yes, I’d been deceiving myself the whole time. Parties are not my thing, I’m shy, introverted. Willing to bear the brunt than putting it on someone else.

I’d been deceiving myself the whole time. I’m not who I made myself to be, not who I thought I was.

Have you ever met a familiar stranger? That’s who I am to myself.

“He looks so familiar, I must have met him before, but he’s a stranger” that’s me!

#ajay #thoughts #words #poetry #prose

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